Hooked On It
Well Jack's truly and verily hooked. He can't get enough of it and gets very, very nervous when it's gone. It's even warped his sense of reality and rational thought. Yep, he's addicted to The Dex Line. Yesterday it fritzed out on him again by showing him at 384 (yikes). He did a fingerstick to check and that came in at 38 (ouch). Well, The Dex was only off by one digit right? heh. And then came the shocker. He refused to drink any juice.
Me: Since when do you not drink juice when you're 38??
Jack: Since I have The Dex. And it says I'm high.
I've been (and am) a staunch proponent of this CGMS, but this is a negative I did not expect. Oh boy, they did warn us, those DexCom people, and the FDA, that you shouldn't base your treatment on its data. But it's hard not to do that - after all, why the hell get it if not to use its data to modify your treatment??!
Well, this is why. You get hooked, and it deceives you when you can least resist it, in the midst of a very low hypo. I finally convinced him that his meter really is more accurate than The Dex. The performance of this last sensor has been sporatic. Its data has been very far off fingerstick values a few times, and a couple of other times it's gone dead altogether. This latter situation is never pretty because then Jack gets very nervous: I don't know whether I'm going up or down! I don't know what my BG was 5 minutes ago, or now, or 5 minutes from now! I can imagine it's a bit like being blind (pre-Dex), getting full eyesight (during-Dex), then going blind again (no-Dex).
Both he and I have become very reliant on it, even with all its quirks. I check it during the night when I happen to be awake (and he asleep). We talk about the "night-line" every morning and cheer if it stayed within limit the whole night. He proudly shows me sustained flat lines like a little kid (Do you want to see my line? Do you? Do you?). I wonder if CGMS users show each other their lines when they get together (I'll show you mine if you show me yours.).
Anger vs Patience
I can be very angry at him when he goes low, as if it were his fault. But most commonly, anger within relationships is rarely about the specifics of the events, but reflective of some deeper problems. I notice that when I'm upset, I react angrily at his lows. When I'm calm and well-fed, I can patiently get him juice and repeat many times, You need to drink some juice. Yesterday I was tired from work and cooking dinner, and it was fricken' HOT people. So when he went low, and wouldn't drink the juice, and was telling me that the fingerstick numbers meant nothing, I lost it. I would have screamed if I weren't a repressed 'girls don't raise their voices' type of girl, but instead had to contend with dramatic eye-rolling, throwing a couple of fists in the air, and grrrrrowling in frustration. I walked away and really wanted to stay away, but I couldn't, could I? I had to stay and make sure he didn't slip into a coma, damn it. Maybe it was the growling, but he drank the juice after a few minutes. Afterwards, of course, I always feel guilty about my anger.
When our relationship was going through a bad patch (totally non-diabetes-related), I would become livid with his lows. There's a huge difference between an accusatory Are you low?!! and a gently inquiring Are you low?. Luckily for the both of us, nowadays I do the latter more than the former.